The other day I had to drive into downtown Baltimore to lead a professional development session. I wanted to make sure I was composed and relaxed to meet this team, knowing that would make things more comfortable for all of us. I left home early, giving myself plenty of wiggle room in case I got lost or rush hour traffic was extra heavy.
That morning I realized how long it’s been since I’ve been on the road with aggressive drivers. There were so many cars riding bumpers, zig zagging and cutting other people off! I was startled by a motorcyclist squeezing between my car and the one in the lane next to me, then racing ahead to do the same thing between an SUV and a tractor trailer. All this while on a busy highway with a 60-mile an hour speed limit!
The old me would have been cursing at drivers under my breath or even out loud. (OK, maybe I did still yell at the motorcyclist. And, maybe I used to drive just as aggressively.) I would have stayed irritated for a while, until something calmed me down or distracted me. This day I was different.
I’ve been doing a lot self-work, building in practices that help me manage stress in healthy ways. Driving that day, I noticed how much calmer I handled the chaos than I would have in the past. It also reminded me of something I read about the neuroscience of Buddhism. (Yes, there’s a lot of research about the power of Buddhist practices.)
Here’s a lesson from Buddha that could help you the next time you’re in crazy traffic or any other stressful situation:
- Life is going to throw darts at you – Buddha described the unpleasant, sometimes painful situations that are just part of the human experience as first darts. Just by being a thinking, feeling creature you’re going to experience hurt, disappointment, and pain. It’s a part of life that you are better off recognizing and accepting, than fighting.
- You throw darts at yourself – When you don’t accept the first dart and instead get upset, angry, or frustrated, you only make the situation worse for yourself. This is something I never wanted to admit, but looking back on my life I can see how many second darts I threw at myself. The reality is that you get to choose your response to any situation. After the sting and initial reaction of the first dart, you can let the pain go. Or, you can create more pain by letting your emotions get the best of you.
I’m not saying any of this is easy. It can be especially hard the more of those first darts you have coming at you. It takes intentional practices, like the ones I’ll share in my next post.
Still, wouldn’t you rather build in a few practices rather than throw those second darts at yourself? All it takes is noting which darts are first and which are second the next time you’re upset. Trust me, bringing a little Buddha into your life (or into your car) can go a long way!
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