I practiced martial arts for almost 20 years. At first, it was a great activity for me. Martial arts aligned with my need to be active, my love for learning, and my appreciation for discipline and structure. Eventually though, that changed. I had plenty of discipline and structure in my life thanks to that thing called “adulting.” When I exercised I wanted to clear my mind, get in a good workout, and be done with it. My need to learn was being met in other ways. And, I preferred to spend my free time reading or hanging out with a few close friends, rather than getting knocked around the dojang. Yet for some reason, I kept going. In fact, I made it as far as earning my third degree black belt.
I remember the day I tested for that rank. Testing always started with each candidate having to answer questions on required knowledge–history of the art, number of movements in a pattern, explaining proper body alignment, reciting guiding principles, etc. After months of studying I was prepared for any question that could come my way. But then our Master asked “Why are you doing this?”
Suddenly, I froze in a panic. I managed to spit out an answer. In my head, though, I kept asking myself the question over and over! “Why AM I doing this?!” It suddenly dawned on me that I had no desire to practice martial arts; that I was testing for this rank because it was just the next step in the order of things. I headed into the 4 hours of grueling physical exertion with this revelation hovering over me.
For years I went through the motions, doing what was expected of me – go to school, get good grades, get a good job, work hard… Looking back, I see that moment of panic as the start reevaluating my life. It was frightening at the time, but I needed that jarring experience to slow me down.
There are a lot of important lessons I learned from that experience that I’ll be sharing over the next few posts. One was the power of asking myself why I’m doing something whenever I’m uncomfortable. Am I researching this topic because it will help me grow? Am I going to this event because it will help me connect? Am I obsessing over cleaning because I’m trying to keep up with the houses I see on Instagram? The answer always points me in the right direction.
Asking myself “Why am I doing this?” has helped me to buckle down when something is important to me and to let go when it’s not. Give it a shot and see what comes up. And if it knocks you on your ass, just remember how much clearer life will be when you get back up.
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